she smelled like a LAN party
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
