I was born with a shot glass in my hand
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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