You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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