She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
