I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
