is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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