What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
