Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
