ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
