And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ttyl tear gas
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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