I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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