So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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