i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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