Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
