My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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