I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
