I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
