Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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