So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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