why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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