just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
