he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
