Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Did I show you my penis last night?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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