I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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