woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
