Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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