Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
