We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
