8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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