Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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