This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
