I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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