My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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