Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
honey bunches of taint.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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