It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
