is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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