man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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