This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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