I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize