Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
