I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
