if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
