I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
