The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
