guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Oh god it's open bar.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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