After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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