dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize