I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
