i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
