stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
