So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She bit a glass in half.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
