You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
