How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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