brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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