So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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