i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Too much gin, very little bucket
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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