My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
