Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
People in love make me want to vomit
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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