Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
