The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
