I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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