Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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