So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
