I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
