Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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