you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
