I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
