her vagine was all disorganized.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
