Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
