Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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