Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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