hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Randomize
