I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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