she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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